464: Gay Pal for the Straight Gal 2 - Taxi

Elaine’s friends set up her with a Kurt, a man they all meet in a bar. Elaine and Kurt get on, but then Kurt reveals to Tony that he is bisexual and really in love with Tony. Tony then has to face up to how he can break this news to his good friend, Elaine. All culminating in a visit to a friendly gay bar.

Oh, the complications of the modern dating scene and those pesky bisexuals!

“Taxi” was a much better sitcom than the average, and this episode is a good example of how it was much denser with a better and more varied selection of styles of humour and jokes. Even the corny bisexual / bicycle misunderstanding gets a bit more energy and spin than usual. Furthermore, this episode features no lecturing or defending the right to exist of homosexuals– a la Norman Lear sitcoms, like All in The Family or Maude. Kurt’s bisexuality is just accepted as a fact. Tony is not creeped out, disgusted, revulsed or angered by Kurt’s attraction to him. Nor is any anger directed at Kurt for dissembling his true nature. Tony is only upset for Elaine. It is his concern about breaking the news to Elaine that is the engine for the second half of the episode. In one instance, the emphasis on Tony’s dilemma is the necessary distraction so that the troll-like Louis doesn’t say anything homophobic or old-fashioned about Kurt. The only hint at entrenched attitudes is Alex’s moment of hushing Kurt at the gay bar when Kurt says he’s gay, then realising how ludicrous that is in a gay bar.

Indeed, the visit to the gay bar is unexpected. The first half of the gay bar scene just has it employed as just a slightly upmarket backdrop for Kurt and Alex’s conversation. An unreferenced quote from the programme’s producer James Burrows: "I insisted we use only gay extras and bit players in the 'Taxi' episode in the gay bar. Why? Because they look right and have the right behaviour. I told my cast to be as real as possible...We didn't have any 'wild' gays in it at all." The ferns dotted around the bar are a contemporary gay bar touch (vide the gang shuddering over the possibility of fern in the slightly later Cheers episode). The patrons look contemporarily gay too with their moustaches and polo shirts. That touch of realism does rather evaporate for the last couple of minutes in Alex’s ever-escalating dance scene. The episode’s big gay set-piece is enthusiastically received by the live audience, as men dancing together is always good for enthusiastic laughs – as numerous excursions in the “Police Academy” films proved.

This episode won an Emmy, though not for writing or acting, The writer of this episode, David Lloyd, would go on to further gay content in sitcoms. He script edited the Censor episode of “The Associates”, and even more importantly, was the creator of the first major American gay-themed sitcom “Brothers” which ran from 1984 - 89

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Taxi "Elaine's Strange Triangle"
10 December 1980
Writer: David Lloyd

Judd Hirsch as Alex Reiger
Jeff Conaway as Bobby Wheeler
Danny DeVito as Louie De Palma
Marilu Henner as Elaine O'Connor-Nardo
Tony Danza as Tony Banta
Christopher Lloyd as Reverend Jim Ignatowski
Andy Kaufman as Latka Gravas
John David Carson as Kirk Bradshaw
Michael Pritchard as Dancing Guy

Elaine is at a restaurant with the men, depressed after a break-up. Alex suggests that she should go out with someone. Elaine and T go to the bar to get drinks. Elaine is slumped and distracted. A smartly-dressed man in a suit sees them and approaches.

KURT: Excuse me. Hi. Are you two… together

TONY: Yeah, we ‘re together (as K is about to leave, suddenly thinks and grabs his arm) O-oh, hold on! Er, she and I? No,no,no. We’re just friends (pulls E) Er, I’m Tony Banta, and this is Elaine Nardo.

KURT: Pleased to meet you. (Shakes T’s hand) Kirk Bradshaw

TONY: Pleased to meet you – huh, Elaine?

ELAINE: (casually) Yeah right, hi (smiles at K, gives T sharp lowered look)

(T: deliberately upbeat and interested) So, er, kirk you come here often?

KURT: Well my office, is just around the corner

TONY: Yeah! What do you do?

KURT: I’m an investment analyst

TONY: Wow! An investment analyst (looks around for E, who has ignored all this, T sees she has gone back to table with drinks)

TONY: Ah, small world

KURT: Why? Are you an investment analyst?

TONY: Nah, a cab driver

(a beat while he takes this in)

TONY: Hey Kirk, you married?

KURT: No Tony, I’m not

TONY: Great! I got some people I want you to meet. C’mon over. (bringing him over) Hey guys! This is Kirk Bradshaw, an investment analyst from here in New York and he’s not married!

ALEX: Why do I feel like I’m watching a gameshow? Tell us what he’s won Tony? (introduces the rets of the guys) And of course you know Elaine

KURT: (silly/dryly) Oh yeah, we go way back

(Elaine makes “oh geeze” face)

The guys offer the seat closest to E. Both K and Elaine slightly amused at the obviousness of the set-up. All the others sat in arrow facing them)

B: So Kirk, let me tell you a little about Elaine. She’s a cab driver but she also works in an art gallery

KURT: Really? I’m kind of an art buff

(guys makes mock noise of interest to confirm how much K and Elaine have in common)

KURT: Strictly an amateur art buff of course

ALEX: What kind of stuff you like?

KURT: Just simple stuff, French Impressionist

(same noises as before and “French Impressionist!” “Oh lala!”, etc)

ALEX: (to guys) C’mon will ya. You’re embarrassing her

ELAINE: No, no, it’s okay

KURT: I own a couple of pen and ink drawings by Degas

(same noises)

B: Hey, I think Elaine would like to see those

ELAINE: (laughing) I’m really sorry about this

TONY: What about tomorrow night, Elaine?

(Elaine taken aback)

B: What about for dinner?

ELAINE: Oh, do you know what you’re putting this poor man through?

KURT: How about dinner tomorrow night, Elaine? I’d really like it

ELAINE: (laughing) I’m so embarrassed

KURT: I wish you wouldn’t be. I’d love to show you my drawings

(guys look away, make insinuating noises)

ELAINE: Well, er, might be fun. Why don’t you call me. I’ll give you my phone number

BOBBY: Here, here!

(BOBBY hurries to get out pen and napkin to write on. The guys all talk over each other saying E’s phone number. Kurt gets up)

KURT: Nice meeting you all. See you tomorrow night Elaine (leaves)

(Guys are excited for ELAINE, and cluster round her)

BOBBY: Great guy!

ELAINE: (really pleased) Yes! He’s very nice!

JIM: Seemed a little pushy to me

(At the garage – the guys notice that Elaine has been much happier , even singing, for the last ten days. The guys pride themselves on their match-making skills. All the guys except, LOUIE and Tony are out on calls. Kurt comes in)

LOUIE: Hey! Who are you?

KURT: Kirk Bradshaw. And who are you?

LOUIE: In here? God! (realising) Oh, oh, Kirk! Kirk Bradshaw – you’re the young fellow who’s dating our Miss Bradshaw

KURT: That’s right

LOUIE: How far d’ya get?

(KURT is taken aback)

LOUIE: C’mon, c’mon! A little guy talk here. D’you hit a home run? I’m not gonna tell anyobody?

KURT: I’m not going to tell you anything about my relationship with Elaine

LOUIE: Well, some friend you are!

(LOUIE goes off, Tony comes on)

KURT: What was that about?

TONY: Naw, he’s a jerk, hey, so how ya doing Kirk?

KURT: Pretty good

TONY: Pretty good! (mock punches him in stomach) You son of a gun, you! You and Elaine been seeing a lot of each other! Yeah! (mock punches him in stomach) You son of a gun, you!

KURT: That’s why I stopped by. I wanted to talk to her

TONY: You just missed her. She just went out

KURT: Oh. Just as well I guess (looks serious)

TONY: What’s the matter? You two got a problem?

KURT: Yeah, I’m afraid so. I’ve been meaning to talk to her about it ever since I met her. I just (shrugs) can’t seem to be able to.

TONY: Well sit down. Tell me about it

(they sit)

KURT: See. I’m in a tough spot. I really like Elaine

TONY: (mock punches him in stomach) You son of a gun, you!

KURT: Tony! The problem is I like somebody else too

TONY: (downcast) Oh. Somebody else. Well man, that’s a problem

TONY: It Is a problem, Tony. I feel bad about it. I honestly never meant to get involved with Elaine. Remember the night I came up to the two of you at the bar – I said, Are you two together?

TONY: Yeah, I told you we weren’t

KURT: (sighs) Well. (looks down) She wasn’t the one I was after, Tony.

TONY: (long pause as T looks at K processing this, then enquiring) Oh no?

KURT: (shakes head, then looks directly at T) No (smiles slightly)

(long pause as TONY looks at KURT processing this, then gives him long wary look, slightly pulling back, shaking head) Oh, no,no,no,no

END OF PART ONE

(TONY sat alone in garage, staring straight ahead finishing drink, with two empty cups before him. LOUIE comes in. can see TONY is upset. Sees TONY hasn’t confided to ALEX)

TONY: No way you can make me tell you this Louie . . .You ain’t got no problem like this one

(LOUIE tricks TONY into telling him by writing it down on sheet of paper, thinking they will be sharing problems)

LOUIS: (reading) The guy Elaine is going out with just made a pass at me!

(LOUIE turns to look at TONY in feigned shock for him. TONY sat down looks very small. LOUIE turns away and bites his knuckle, stifling his real response. TONY opens his piece of paper from LOUIE only to realise he has been tricked, but LOUIE runs inside his cage to safety as TONY tries to get at him in revenge)

(TONY sat at bar, slumped, despondent. BOBBY comes in and sees him)

BOBBY: Hey Tony. How’s it going?

TONY: Not great

(when TONY tries to pose a hypothetical question: what would BOBBY do if the person BOBBY was dating hit on TONY? But B thinks he really means Bobby’s girlfriend has been hitting on Tony, and BOBBY suddenly leaves to go question her. Elaine enters as BOBBY leaves)

ELAINE: (excited) Tony! Did Kirk stop by the garage after I left tonight?

TONY: (wary) Kirk? (badly acting) No, no Kirk! I didn’t see no Kirk! No idea!

ELAINE: Ohhh! Alex said he thought he saw him as he was driving off.

TONY: (sitting) I’m sure didn’t see any Kirk!

ELAINE: (can see he’s acting oddly) Are you okay?

TONY: (plaintively) I’m fine. I just have something on my mind

ELAINE: (sitting) Aww, you want to talk about it?

TONY: I haven’t decided yet.

ELAINE: Well, I’m going to be home if you want to call, okay?

TONY: (softly) Thanks, Elaine.

ELAINE: Well I got to go

(Elaine leaves. T stares at the table sad-faced and distracted. L comes from bar. Talks to T who doesn’t listen. When L sits down, T finally notices him)

LATKA: What’s the matter? You have The Blues?

(just looks around sadly)

LATKA: Well, why don’t you order some drinks and we can talk about it?

TONY: I can’t. I got no money. And anyway, I don’t think you’d understand my problem

LATKA: Yes I would

TONY: I don’t think so. You know anything about bisexuals?

LATKA: (gladly) Of course. They are very popular in my country

TONY: (amazed) They are?

LATKA: Oh yes. Almost everybody have them. And one of our favourite sports is racing them

(TONY starring in puzzlement)

LATKA: And when we are not using them we have special racks where we chain them up at night

TONY: Latka! I’m not talking about Bicycles! I’m talking about Bisexuals!

LATKA: (blithely) So am I. (gets up) Listen I hope you feel better, alright. Goodbye.

(leaves as ALEX enters bar)

TONY: Hey Alex. I really tried to work this out myself. (shaking head) But I got the worst problem in my entire life

(ALEX cuts him off, saying emphatically that he’s through solving other people’s problems)

TONY: Alex, I really did try to spare you from this. But, er, I’m not so sure that the guy Elaine’s going out with, is right for her.

ALEX: (surprised) That’s your problem? Tony, what’re you worried about? We picked a winner. (laughs) That’s your problem (!) Besides, who are we to decide who’s right or wrong for Elaine?

TONY: Yeah, that’s right. Except for one thing.

ALEX: Nothing!

TONY: Well, except this one thing

ALEX: (sharply) What one thing?

TONY: He wants to date me

ALEX: (pause) Noooo

(T nods head)

ALEX: Noooo. You must have misinterpreted what he meant.

TONY: Well he said my simplicity was engaging and we’d be Wonderful together.

ALEX: (sinks head into hand, groaning) Oh no.

TONY: Well see now, the point is, Alex, this could go rough on Elaine. I mean, if she’s getting serious on him, she should know. So, should I tell her?

ALEX: No! I say he ought to tell her. Someone ought to talk to Kirk and set him straight. As it were.

TONY: Thanks, Alex, let me know how it turns out.

ALEX: (just as Tony starts to pull away Alex grabs him) No ,no, no, no, no! For once in my life I am not gonna let this thing get dumped in my lap! YOU tell him

TONY: (stares at Alex then accepts it) Alright. I know it’s my job. But, you think you can come along with me? I mean, you don’t have to say nothing. You just have to sit there and be a buddy. C’mon Alex, please, please, please?

ALEX: (grudging) Alright, alright. I don’t understand? Why can’t you do this by yourself?

TONY: I can’t be alone with him. I’m the one he spends tortured nights dreaming about

ALEX: He said that?

TONY: No, I’m just assuming

(Bar. Music playing. Only men in bar. Bar in centre of set. Alex comes in, sees Kurt sat at table at far end.

KURT: Alex!

ALEX: Hello. (to men at bar) Hi

KURT: How you doing (shakes offered hand)

ALEX: Tony here yet?

KURT: No. he called. Said he’d be delayed

(as Alex looks around)

KURT: That gives us a chance to chat

ALEX: (sits) Yes, sure, okay. This is a gay bar, isn’t it?

KURT: Yeah, sure. This your first time here?

ALEX: (too emphatically) Oh yes, yes. (catching himself) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean by saying yes so quickly that it would seem terrible if I’d been here before…because actually it would not have been terrible if I’d been here before… yeah, I’d been meaning to (K amused at his discomposure) Just out of curiosity of course…No I don’t mean curiosity, what I mean

KURT: (kindly) Let’s not chat any more

ALEX: (agitated) I used to be such a good chatter, you know. Look, Kurt, I have a really terrible, difficult thing to talk you about, and I don’t even know how to start

KURT: Alex. I think I can guess what you’re trying to tell me.

ALEX: You can?

KURT: But I’ve already told Elaine that I’m bisexual

ALEX: Shh! (catching himself) Oh, oh! It’s okay here (looking around) I’m sorry

KURT: Anyway. We’re still friends and we had a fine talk. Oh, and by the way, I understand that Tony’s not interested and that’s okay too

ALEX: (enormously relieved and relaxing back) Oh wow. Can we have a couple of beers?. Wow. I thought this was gonna be difficult, but instead it’s a snap. Boy, am I a lucky guy.

(Very tall, large guy in blue bomber jacket who has been in background of scene comes over to the table)

Guy: Excuse me, would you like to dance?

ALEX: (Alex stares up at him then away with non-plussed look) Just for the sake of optimism (to Kurt) No, go ahead, I don’t mind

Guy: No, I meant you

ALEX: No, no, I’m just having a beer with a pal, thanks

Guy: C’mon. don’t be shy. (Takes Alex’s hand)

ALEX: No no I really can’t

(Man pulls Alex up. Alex holds firmly onto chair so that he is walking with it pushed to his bum. Man swings him around and Alex sits down again, retrieves his hand and makes “enough” gesture”.)

(Man grabs A’s hand and pulls him so that he lifts up from chair and is spun into man’s chest. The music has become louder. As Alex resists, at each instance the man turns it into a disco dancing move, including further spins, twists and even dipping Alex. In all of this the man is leading and Alex is the “female” partner”. The man parades A around dancing floor. There are now noticeably more men in the bar who are watching and also dancing in place. After one particularly vigorous move with Alex crouching and the man spin-kicking over him, Alex extricates himself. Alex has to criss-cross to get to the exit, since the man is dancing in front of him. Alex fakes him out and leaves. He immediately backs in again because there is a chain of men dancing coming into the bar.)

(All the men are dancing towards Alex, who now has his back against the bar. He backs up over the seats to find himself standing on the bar. All the men loudly cheering and waving their arms. Alex finds he enjoys the attention and makes a few tentative disco-pointing motions. More encouragement and he is dancing vigorously on the bar a la John Travolta in “Saturday Night Fever”.)

(The doleful Tony enters at this moment and stares open-mouthed. When another more flamboyant dancer jumps on the bar, Alex gets down and falls into the arms of the large man, who dips him so that Alex is looking up at Tony)

TONY: Alex! Elaine is having her heart broken and you’re having a great time here dancing (shakes his head and leaves)

END OF PART 2

(Garage. Tony and Alex sat at table. Tony evidently much happier, smiling, holding a dancing trophy)

TONY: I’ll never understand how you couldda let that happen. I don’t care what you say, I would never have danced with that guy

ALEX: (sarcastic) No. Not you, you little heart breaker. Give me my trophy (grabs trophy as T laughs)

463: Gay Pal for the Straight Gal 1 - Alice Gets a Pass

“Alice” was a sitcom adapted from Martin Scorsese’s 1974 film “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore”. The show began in autumn 1976, and the second episode featured Alice discovering that the eligible hulking, manly attractive football player that all her friends are trying to set her up on a date with is really a homosexual. The Andy Lippincote storyline in Doonesbury had appeared in early 1976, so it’s just possible that this story line might have been in the back of the mind of the production staff. “Alice” was not a controversial Norman Lear social issues-all-in-your-face type of a sitcom. It was a middling, genial family-and-work-based comedy that kills the time. So if nothing else, it shows that this sort of programme is now comfortable handling this kind of material.

Like the Andy Lippincote story, the first half of this episode is about the comic deflation of romantic expectation, and the comic material in the second half comes from Alice deflecting everyone else’s wrong assumptions about her developing friendship with Jack Newhouse. The dramatic twist in the second half is that though Alice easily accepts Jack as gay, she has then has reservation about him being around her son. Her disapproval of him isn’t so much that he could be a paedophile, as that in some not entirely defined manner, he would be a bad example to Tommy. Pas devant les enfants – which of course is the general attitude of TV executives who don’t want to rock the boat. No controversy. The show does let Jack defend himself and Alice realises her fears are wholly irrational. As with the later episode of Maude, we get to see that the younger generation have the easiest time accepting the existence of homosexuals.

In a July 1977 review of homosexuals in the preceding year of television, the critic Tom Shales, wrote:

“From TV today, the impression given of homosexuals is that they’re just like heterosexuals except they have no hang-ups. Many series had stories with prominent homosexual characters last season, and, because the networks are touchy about the demands of activist groups, these characters were so removed from the old stereotypes as to seem utter supermen. When “Alice” fell in love with a homosexual man on that series, the guy was brawny enough for a Brut commercial.”

Indeed, Denny Miller was a former profession football player, but one of the ideals of American masculinity is the football player, so it freights a lot of assumptions for this episode (and was the case in “All in the Family”). And it does provide the opportunity for Flo’s little monologue about the homoerotic appeal of sportsmen together.

In the mid-2000s when a selection of episodes was released on DVD after canvassing fans, this one was on the shows that was included.

Again, as with previous arguments for homosexuality by sitcom characters, the references to famous greeks as though some allusion to antiquity endows confirmation and authenticity

Curiously, “Jack Newhouse” is the anglicisation of Giacomo Casanova – but that’s probably not important, unless you’re watching a translation on Italian TV.

And do I never need to say that Jack never returns to the series?

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"Alice Gets a Pass" - 29 September 1976
Writer: Martin Donovan

Linda Lavin: Alice
Polly Holliday: Flo
Philip McKeon: Tommy
Vic Tayback: Mel
Denny Miller: Jack Newhouse

Mel’s friend from college, a former pro-quarterback and now a western actor, Jack Newhouse announces he is coming for a fishing visit. When he shows up at the door there is assorted manly grappling between Mel and Jack. All three waitresses are attracted to Jack, but since Alice shows an interest, Flo encourages her. When Mel says he is already committed to the bowling team the first night of Jack’s visit, Flo pushes the two to go out together.

At home, Alice’s son Tommy is enthusiastic that she’s going out on a date, and at his encouragement Alice wears a more revealing dress. When Jack arrives, Tommy also tries to impress Jack about her. When Jack sees Alice in her dress he tells her she looks “beautiful, sexy, stunning”. They go out. They come back to find Tommy has set up candles, wine and romantic music. Alice asks whether Jack would like to take Tommy fishing with Mel. The two sit on the sofa, with space in the middle of sofa between them

J: I had a great time tonight, Alice

A: Me too . . . You’re also the first date I’ve had here I haven’t had to arm wrestle goodnight. Not that I have anything against wrestling, it just has to be the right guy, know what I mean?

J: Yes I do

A: (pause) You sure you know what I mean? (laughs)

J: (long pause) Alice. You’re really a great person

A: (trying to keep her jolliness up for the rest of the scene) “You’re really a great person” sounds like it should be followed by a “but”

J: But.

A: But you’re married.

J: No

A: But you’re engaged?

J: Un-hnn

A: But you got a girlfriend?

J: No.

A: I think I just ran out of “but”s

J: But I’m gay.

(Alice’s smile slowly fades then she blinks at him. END OF PART 1)

A: Would you mind playing that back again?

J: I’m gay.

A: (pause) You don’t just mean “jolly”?

J: Ngnn

A: (nods head in acceptance, obviously flustered, lip sucking, trying to smile and be friendly) I didn’t think so (shifting about) Well. I, er, I don’t, er, see why that should matter. I mean, er, you’re a person… and I’m a person, and, er, (looks directly at him) Gay?

(look from him to confirm)

A: Huh!

J: Alice, I, er, didn’t want to lead you on. I felt you were the kind of person I could have an honest, up-front relationship with - was I wrong?

A: No! Certainly not. Wrong? That’s the relationship for me. Honest and up-front.

J: Good. I’m glad you feel that way. And I’m really, really happy we’re going to be friends.

A: (smiling, conciliatory) Yes.

(rest of scene has all the awkwardness of two people building up for a kiss)

Well. It’s late.

Yes

Goodnight

Goodnight

(Jack gets up goes to door, Alice follows. Just as he steps out, pauses then turns around, then leans in to kiss Alice on forehead)

J: ‘Night

A: Goodnight.

(Alice closes door, then slowly slumps against it, blinks heavily, pulls wry face)

A: (slightly plaintive) I shouldda known. (sadly) Mel said he was a man’s man.

(at Mel’s Diner. Mel is cooking. Alice enters to get food for customer. Mel comes over leaning in close to her)

M: So! Going out with Jack again, huh?

A: Yeah. You got my eggs, side of bacon?

M: Coming, coming. (inveigling) So? How’d it go?

A: (brightly) Ok!

M: Okay? Two nights in a row and all you can say is OK?

A: (focusing on preparing food) Mel!

M: Come on Alice, you can tell me. Jack’s my friend, we were roommates together. (Walks back to grill) What he did, I did.

(A looks up stonefaced)

M: C’mon, C’mon Alice. I wannna know how it Went.

A: (brightly) Like you wouldn’t believe

(Alice leaves. Mel holds her by arm)

M: He’s an animal, right! All those pro-football players are animals, groupies in every city – wine, women, song!

A: (cocks head, beat) Two out of three ain’t bad, Mel (leaves)

(Mel shakes his head in manly pleasure. In main restaurant, Flo stops Alice)

F: Tell me, little cheerleader, how many points did that old quarterback put on that scoreboard last night?

A: (smiling) Flo, that’s tacky

F: Alright, I’ll put it another way. How was he?

A: (firmly) He’s a very nice man (tries to leave, but F is holding onto A)

F: And?

A: And nothing.

(F still won’t let A go)

F: There must have been some illegal use of the hands somewhere?

A: (getting irritated), Flo, nothing happened. (starts to serve food, and F follows)

F: C’mon sugar. Just because one of us gets lucky, ain’t no reason why the other can’t have some fun. Don’t I always tell you everything?

A: Unfortunately.

F: Well, hell, if I went out with a big handsome cuss like that, I’d get on my C.B. and shout it to the world

A: Flo, I have nothing to tell you about last night

F: Oh I understand – you’re not the type that messes about and tells. Shoot that Jack works fast.

(Alice looks around, then draws Flo closer)

A: He doesn’t work fast. Nothing happened. Nothing’s gonna happen. Jack’s gay.

F: (long pause as F slowly chews gum, then) What?

A: (serious) I went out with a guy I really dug and he turned out to be gay

F: (long pause as F slowly chews gum, then) What? Jack Newhouse?! You gone cuckoo?!

A: (emphatically) He told me

F: He told you? Himself? Just like that? Alice, pass that onion dip, and by the way I’m gay?

A: (nods several times, then) Yes

F: Are you sure he didn’t say gray? You know he colours his hair in them TV commercials.

A: Flo! He said gay.

F: (laughing) Alice! Jack Newhouse is a football player, honey! He’s big and strong. Any woman’d Die to take that hunk of candy home. Why, he spends half his life surrounded by big, virile men, in locker-rooms and showers, being tackled by other football players (slowing down as she realises) jumping up and down hugging each other (long pause) patting each other’s butts (very long pause) If that don’t beat all, Jack Newhouse gay!

A: Ooh my God! I just remembered something! Tommy!

F: What about Tommy?

A: I asked Jack to take Tommy fishing with him, but now I’m not sure I want him to go

F: Oh, you mean because Jack is a (looks directly at A and raises eyebrows)

A: Flo, Tommy’s at a very impressionable age, and he worships Jack

F: (holding A’s arms) Well, Alice, I don’t think you have a thing to worry about

A: You don’t?

F: No

A: I’m just over-reacting?

F: Sure. You are.

A: Maybe you’re right. I’m just being silly and narrow-minded

F: Of course you are

A: Of course I am

F: So what are you going to do?

A: Tell Tommy he can’t go

F: Good!

Later at busy diner, when M is off fishing. A behind counter preparing food)

A: (to F) I’m just upset. I told Tommy he couldn’t go, but I didn’t tell him why

(J suddenly comes in forcefully)

J: Alice!

A: Hello Jack

J: I got your message and I want to talk to you

A: Gee, I can’t right now

J: Listen Alice

A: Sorry Jack, I’m awful busy

J: And I’m angry!

(Flo suddenly gives very long breakfast order)

J: Why aren’t you letting Tommy go? Is it because I’m gay?

A: (setting up frying pan pan, then turns to look at him briefly) Yes

J: What do you think would happen if he came fishing with Mel and me? (helps her sort out food orders) I’m still waiting to hear. What did you think would happen?

A: I don’t know. Nothing, I guess. J: That’s exactly right. Nothing. Except for fishing and fun

(Flo comes in to get food)

J: Alice, look …

A: Jack, listen – part of being a parent is protecting your child. And I’d just rather Tommy didn’t go at this time

J: Hold it. This wasn’t my idea. You were the one who asked me to take him. (she nods in agreement) Alice if I were straight and you had a twelve year old daughter, would you trust me with her?

A: (looks up at him, beat) Yes, I suppose that I would

J: There’s no difference, Alice. Don’t label me.

A: What do you mean

J: (emphatically) I respect other people’s rights to live their way. I want other people to respect my right to live my way. (still helps her with sorting out the breakfast orders)

A: Jack, I’m sorry

J: (smiles, accepting) Okay. I don’t agree with you decision about Tommy, but I understand your right to make it, and I respect that.

A: (smiling back) Thanks.

J: Still friends (offers hand)

A: (which she shakes) Of course

(goes to leave)

A: Jack! Do me a favour. Take Tommy with you.

J: Are you sure?

A: I’m sure

J: What made you change your mind?

A: (laughs) That’s another privilege parents have – to change their minds. And you’re looking at Phoenix’s Free-Style Mind Changing Champ. When I told Tommy he couldn’t go, I just felt awful. Especially after the way he looked at me then the way you looked at me and now the way I look at me . . .

J: Don’t worry. We’ll have a great time.

(back at A’s apartment after the fishing trip. T putting away fish, says he has something to tell mother, she gets agitated, but it turns out it was only he had half a can of bee which he then threw up)

T: Mom, why all the question?

A: Nothing, nothing, I just wanted to know about the weekend.

T: Okay, level with me. First you didn’t want me to go fishing, then you changed your mind. Now the third degree. Mom, what’s up?

A: (trying to shrug him off) Nothing

T: Mom!

A: (turns to look directly at T) Tommy, Jack Newhouse is a homosexual

T: (thinking it over) Jack?

A: Yeah. Does it bother you?

T: No. Erm. I’m just surprised. From the way kids talk I thought you could always tell. I don’t care though. Jack’s a great guy. A great football player. And a rotten fisherman

A: (smiling) You really got it together, don’t ya?

(the two hug. END OF PART 2)

EPILOGUE

Mel gets off phone, excitedly recounting Jack’s latest practical joke.

M: This guy is too much! What a sense of humour! Know what he tells me last night? He tells me he’s gay!

A: Mel! Anything is possible.

M: Whadda ya? Nuts? The guys a bull! A professional football player! He’s not one of those (flailing hands) “hair-decorators”!

A: (cautiously leading) You know, Mel, a lot of famous men have been homosexuals.

M: (pause) Get out of here! (pause) Who?

A: Alexander the Great

M: Alexander the Great? No way!

A: Michelangelo

M: Mike Angelo down at the pizza house?! What are you – bananas? Mike Angelo has eight kids! Mike Angelo is about as gay as Jack Newhouse. And if Jack Newhouse is gay, I’m gay!

(beat, and close-up on Alice smiling)

438: Spike Milligan - The Melting Pot

The Melting Pot, 1975
Written by Spike Milligan and Neil Shand

A brief gay guardsman gag from Spike Milligan’s infamous cancelled 1975 sitcom “The Melting Pot”. The programme followed the hijinks of two illegal Pakistani immigrants in England, played by Spike Milligan and John Bird in brown-face. At that time, almost no Indian actors appeared on British television and such characters were usually played by English actors in make-up. However the point of the programme was in taking almost every conceivable racial and sexual stereotype and then exaggerating them to absurd and surreal proportions. So you get Scottish Jews, Chinese cockneys and African with Yorkshire accents. Many of the characters are also racist and bigoted, which given their various nationalities only makes their prejudices seem more ridiculous. However, the show’s premise and its implementation meant that it was always going to cross certain borders of taste even if it was lucky enough not to be perceived as racist. The entire series was recorded but after airing only the first episode, the BBC withdrew the whole programme. The series is too little known to join the roster of notorious / embarrassing British racial comedies of the time such as “Curry and Chips”, “Love Thy Neighbour”, “Mind Your language” and “It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum”. Milligan published “The Melting Pot” script as a book in 1983, and large chunks of material were recycled in Milligan’s 1987 novel “The Looney”.

This is a brief gag from a longer scene set in a laundry in the second episode, which would have aired in June 1975. A brief skit which is as in-yer-face and confrontational as the rest of the show. No delicacy or subtlety, which is the is the point. The butchness of the guardsman played off against the 1970s poof–cum-rentboy attire of his boyfriend. Aggressively blatant without apologies

-----------------------------------------

A very smart guardsman enters holding hands with a delightful gay boy. The gay boy wears flared red corduroys, sleeveless body vest, a pink ostrich feather-boa. They are holding hands and carrying a laundry bags. The gay wears an afro wig which he removes and puts in the washing machine. He sits back with the guardsman to the amazement of other Rembrandt and Van Gogh.

Guardsman: Wot you starin’ at? It’s legal now, isn’t it?

422: Killjoy Was Here 1: Terry Scott On . . . Homosexuality?

“Scott on . . .“
The Sex War”, 9 October 1972
written by John Kane

The creature above appears in a screengrab from a documentary about changing attitudes to women in British sitcoms. When the credits mentioned that this brief scene was from the “Sex War” episode of "Scott on . . ", suddenly the nature of the bizarre creature in that middle class lounge amidst all those nice middle class ladies and giving Terry Scott a stern glare was revealed to me . A couple of notes in gay magazines of the times explains all. That oddity is Colin Jeavons playing a poof. It’s 1972 and flamboyantly (even bizarrely as in this instance) dressed camp homosexuals with feminine bouffant hairdos are the order of the day, in other words: “A POOF”. This is one of the reasons why Gay Lib members of that time were so irate, because this is how gay men were being portrayed on television. Writers for the few gay magazines, journals and newsletters of the time, “Jeremy”, “Lunch” and “Gay News” would mutter enviously over the fact that in America public campaigns by gay men seemed to have least some minimal effect. In the UK – nothing doing. But this episode appeared and then in the 28 October 1972 edition of “The Radio Times” a letter was printed written by actual, real homosexual men expressing their disapproval of this caricature fantasy. Oh, oh, the rejoicing!

415: The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole

The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole, 1984
By Sue Townsend

In the first and second of the Adrian Mole books, Adrian's best friend was Nigel, who is trendier and more clued up (as far as a teenager can be) than Adrian. In the second book, Nigel is revealed to be gay. There’s nothing you can pluck out in the first book, but there’s a certain dramatic build-up and spoonfeeding of information in the jokes in "The Growing Pains", most obviously in Mole’s puzzlement over the boys only Halloween party. Once Nigel comes out Townsend plays with people’s attitudes as Mole first tries to distance himself from his newly outed friend. The final confrontation over starting the Gay Club at school is the pleasure in talking about something that has previously been unspeakable, and so the forces of authority are unable to reply in kind since as far as they are concerned they must self-censor about homosexuality and cannot engage in argument. Not much else is made of Nigel’s sexuality otherwise and he is just Adrian’s friend. A portrayal of gay teenager in the mid-80s is a relatively brave and sympathetic act by Townsend.

---------------------------------------------

SUNDAY OCTOBER 31ST, 1982
Twenty-First after Trinity. Hallowe’en Daylight Saving Time ends (USA and Canada)

At five o’clock I was asked by my so-called best friend Nigel to go to his Hallowe’en party. He said, ‘Forgot to send you an invite, zit face, but come anyway, dress as a warlock or you won’t get in.’ I decided not to go as a warlock; I wanted to break away from stereotypes, so I went as a fiend. My mother helped me to assemble a costume. We used my father’s old flippers, one of my mother’s long-legged black leotards and an orange fright wig she bought years ago when she went to my father’s fishing club dinner and dance. I looked a bit indecent in the leotard so I put my swimming trunks over the top, but when I got the whole lot on I didn’t look a bit fiendish, I just looked dead stupid. My mother had the idea of putting a nylon stocking over my fiendishly made-up face. It looked a bit better but my costume still lacked a certain something. At seven o’clock I had a crisis of confidence and almost took everything off, but my mother fetched a can of green neon spray paint that we used to perk up last year’s Christmas tree. She sprayed me from head to toe with it. The dog whimpered and ran under the draining board. So I knew I must have achieved the right effect.

The short walk to Nigel’s house was an ordeal. A gang of little kids in pointed hats ran up to me screaming: ‘Trick or Treat.’ I kept telling them to bugger off but they followed me to Nigel’s, trying to tread on my flippers. Nigel wouldn’t let me in at first because I wasn’t in warlock costume. (He’s so literal! He’ll end up working with computers if he’s not careful.)

But I explained that I was a fiend and he relented. Nigel’s mother and father were upstairs watching telly, so we raided their drinks cupboard and drank Tia Maria and Egg Flip Cocktails. There were no girls at the party, which was a bit strange. Nigel said that girls make him sick. The warlocks and me danced in the pumpkin light to Duran Duran records. It was OK, I suppose, but without girls it lacked a certain je ne sals quoi (French for something or other). At ten o’clock Nigel’s mother ran in with a running buffet. The food was all gone in ten minutes. Most of it was eaten, but a lot got thrown about. Without the civilizing influence of girls, boys return to the wild.

THURSDAY DECEMBER 23RD
Went to the ‘Off the Streets’ youth club party with Pandora. Nigel caused a scandal by dancing with Clive Barnes who was wearing lipstick and mascara! Everyone was saying that Nigel is gay, so I made sure that everyone knew that he is no longer my best friend.

TUESDAY DECEMBER 28TH
Walked up and down the High Street in my sheepskin coat and cashmere scarf. Saw Nigel in his new leather trousers posing at the traffic lights. He suggested we go to his house to ‘talk’. I agreed. On the way he told me that he was trying to decide which sort of sexuality to opt for: homo, bi or hetero. I asked him which he felt more comfortable with. He said, ‘All three, Moley.’ Nigel could never make up his mind.

WEDNESDAY JANUARY 12TH
Nigel has formed a Gay Club at school. He is the only member so far, but it will be interesting to see who else joins. I noticed Brain Box Henderson hovering around the poster looking worried.

THURSDAY JANUARY 13TH
Mr Scruton has ordered the closure of the Gay Club, saying that he and the school governors couldn’t sanction the use of the school gym for ‘immoral purposes’. Nigel pretended to be innocent. He said, ‘But, sir, the Gay Club is for pupils who want to be frisky, frolicsome, lively, playful, sportive, vivacious or game-some during the dinner break. What is immoral about gaiety?’ Mr Scruton said, ‘Nigel, the word “Gay” has changed its meaning over the past years. It now means something quite different.’ Nigel said, ‘What does it mean, sir?’ Scruton started sweating and messing about with his pipe, and not answering, so Nigel let him off the hook by saying: ‘Sorry, sir, I can see that I will have to get an up-to-date dictionary!’

------------------------------

The two books were adapted into TV series (The Growing pains of Adrian Mole in 1987) which if you’re of a certain age (cough-cough) have a powerful nostalgia factor not just in taking the viewer back to the mid-80s but also for featuring an enormous number of English character actors in supporting roles. In particular there is a certain joy in seeing Freddie Jones as the sputtering headmaster eventually bested by his pupils. The accents are somewhat wrong, being that imprecise Black County / Birmingham hybrid actors offer up when a role is anywhere in the Mildands instead of the Leicester tone it ought to be, but then that only made the programme seem even closer to home for me at the time.

Gian Sammarco as Adrian Mole
Steven Mackintosh as Nigel Partridge

0.00 – 3.03
(The bit where one of the boy guests acts Adrian to dance is a new addition here)

4.24 – 5.16, and 10.55 - 13.35

414: The Fenn Street Gang

The Fenn Street Gang

Hugh Walters – Mr Winters

“The Start of Something Big” (24 September 1971, writers: Geoff Rowley and Andy Baker)
“Distant Horizons” (22 October 1971, writer: Tony Bilbow)
“Who Was That Lady?” (3 December 1971, writer: John Esmonde and Bob Larbey)
“The Great Frock Robbers” (11 February 1972, writer: John Esmonde and Bob Larbey)

Everybody remembers that 1970s British sitcom with a gay character, you know, the one who works in a fashion shop. No, I don’t mean Mr Humphries in “Are You Being Served”. I mean Mr Winters who in “The Fenn Street Gang”.

Unfortunately I’ve lost my notes for “The Fenn Street Gang” so this will all be from memory as life is too short to acquire the episodes and watch them again.

“The Fenn Street Gang” was the spin off from “Please, Sir”, a sitcom in which a bunch of actors in their late twenties pretended to be students at a comprehensive school. Eventually, they all began to look pensionable and so that particular part of the programme’s premise got a touch ridiculous. However as the series and the characters were popular, “The Fenn Street Gang” was created to follow their further adventures into the real world after leaving school.

As there were quite a few characters in “Please, Sir”, each of the episodes of “The Fenn Street Gang” only followed a couple of characters at a time. Sharon who was the “dolly bird” type character got a job in a boutique in the first season. Her boss at the boutique was Mr Winters, and as per the rest of this blog, is the only reason why I’m interested in watching this barrel-scraper from the archives. Mr Winters is gay, and is a recurring character in the first season. Therefore Mr Winters is the first recurring gay character in a sitcom and therefore makes this sitcom slightly worthy of a little historical notice. He is only a supporting character though.

A gay manager in a boutique is not too far a stretch as a reasonable character. If I remember correctly, the other girl helping in the shop was black, so it’s some attempt to look at a slightly more modern Britain. From a distance of 40 years you could say he dresses somewhat colourfully but not really any more flamboyant than you might realistically expect in 1971. Nor is he overly camp. He is a sympathetic character, largely friendly and understanding towards the girls he works with. Most of the time it’s more a matter of accepted gay mannerisms by the actor, than any explicit camp declarations. There aren’t really any jokes at his expense, nor is he a screaming caricature. He’s more realistic than Mr Humphries, say, and as this is only 1971 he isn’t a “poof” stereotype either. By poof , I mean: flamboyantly dressed in an over-the-top costume, mincing about, and camping it up. Poofs were de rigeur circa 1972 – 1974, and compare also to Dick Emery and Robin Hood in “Carry On Up the Chastity Belt” (1971). In one of the episodes, Sharon’s boyfriend gets possessive about Sharon’s friendship with Mr Winters and wants to be sure that he’s “a poof”, but it’s not meant in an unpleasant derogatory way. It’s 1971, this is an ITV sitcom, her boyfriend is a Jack-the-Lad character, and let’s be honest, in the very early 70s everyone called gay men poofs.

So if someone were to do a documentary, Mr Winters is definitely one to dig up and include for a 30-45 second inclusion but nothing more. As with the first ever gay character in a sitcom in “Steptoe and Son” so Britain gets in with the first recurring gay sitcom character . And as with “Steptoe and Son” it’s not a blazing offence either – even if it is only for 4 episodes. Hugh Walters crops up a lot in British television, where he sometimes employed slightly fey or fussy characterisations. He even went on to play Charles Hawtrey in the Carry-On biopic “Cor Blimey”. So whether Hugh Walters is gay or not, this is not a performance to be embarrassed by either.

408: Gay Bar 9 - Only Fools and Horses

Only Fools and Horses

"Go West, Young Man"
15 Sep 1981
Writer: John Sullivan

Del Boy: David Jason
Rodney: Nicholas Lyndhurst
Waiter: John Wilmore

Leaping into the 1980s now. This is because the sadomasochistic bar and club tourism of “Cruising” aside, all the interest in the late 70s was to be found in depictions of the disco and bathhouse scenes. The final couple of minutes of the 1980 “Taxi” episode “Elaine’s Strange Triangle” are set in a gay bar which ends in a big disco dance-off - but I’ll get around to covering that instalment for different reasons another time.

“Go West, Young Man” is the second episode of the first series of “Only Fools and Horses”. The sitcom, written by John Sullivan, followed the lives and exploits of cockney market trader Del Boy and his younger brother Rodney and their incessant abortive get-rich-quick-schemes. Del Boy’s ambition and pretensions play off Rodney’s combination of more education but greater naïvite.

This very early episode before the programme had any reputation is mostly just a sequence of assorted funny scenes which don’t have much greater coherence. It’s the scene where the pair visit a supposedly upmarket bar with hilarious consequences that we’re interested in. The gay interest here falls into two halves.

The first is Del’s interaction with the obviously gay waiter. The spindly snootiness of the waiter (nose cast high in the air and pursed lips) is compounded by his homosexuality, producing a performance that is supercilious and camply insinuating. This play’s off Del’s unfounded sense of sophistication and also the general British inability to deal with service staff. So Del’s frustration at being humiliated raises Del’s hackles. However the lines about the waiter being an (arse) “bandit” and “backs to the walls” probably have no greater satirical import at Del’s expense. These are the sort of things men of the time would say, and these lines get a fairly round, and I think unironical, laugh from the audience.

Having established the darkness of the club this is the set-up for the second gay gag, where the two are appalled to discover that the two women they to chat-up are women. So it’s yet another gay bar with transvestites. From the back they’re plausible, but from the front they are obviously just some blokes. Part of the jokes is the undermining of Del’s unfounded confidence in his deductive technique and mastery of any situation. Del’s and Rodney’s subsequent horror and frenzied escape is the comic equivalent of “gay panic”.

The epilogue in the disco show the sort of references the audience would be expected to recognise: The Naked Civil Servant and the humorous drag act Hing and Brackett.

------------------------------------------

D and R have gone out for a classy night out. Both are dressed well. They are now sat in a bar with very subdued lighting. D and R speak in subdued tones appropriate to a nightclub, not playing broadly to the audience. They are in middle of set, with bar dimly behind them.

D: Is it always as dark as this in ‘ere? Or are they holding a dummy run for a coal miner’s convention?

R: Dunno.

D: What d’you you don’t know? I thought you said this was one of your regular clubs.

R: Well I might have exaggerated a bit when I said ‘regular’.

D: mmm. How many time you been ‘ere then?

R: Never.

D: Never! What you bring us in ‘ere for then ?

R: It looked alright from the outside.

D: ‘It looked alright from the outside’! That’s what the Christians said about the coliseum. You berk!

R: Not much action for a nightclub, is there?

D: Probably something to do with the fact that it’s only (struggles to look at watch) half past seven. Last time I come out with you Rodney.

R: Is that a promise, you moaning git!

D: Oy, watch it you! (spies around) Ah Garsson! (waving him across) La petit pois!

W: Ooooh! Parlez-vous francais?

D: Ja-vohl.

W: Yeees. What can I get for You?

D: Erm. I’d like a Caribbean stallion.

W: (said casually over shoulder) Wouldn’t we all, dear. (purses lip) What is it?

D: Well, er, it’s an exotic cocktail, innit? Created for the discerning palate of the international jetset. Roger Moore drunk one in ‘Live and Let Die’.

(haughty) I wouldn’t put anything past Her.

D: (disconcerted) Eh? Well, you’d better write this down, intya?. What you want is, er, a shot of tequila, and a shot of coconut rum, and one of crème de menff. Then you want a smidgeon, just a smidgeon, of Campari, wiv just the merest suggestion of Angostura bitters. Right, you top that up with fresh grapefruit juice. And you shake it. Do not stir. Pour that slowly over broken ice, garnish wiv a slice of orange, slice of lime, your occasional seasonal fruits, top that off wiv a decorative plastic umbrella, two translucent straws, and wolla!

Riiight. (to Rodney) And for you

R: Half a lager, please.

(D looks at him slightly appalled at his lack of aspiration.)

W: Half a lager (is about to leave then turns back to D) Reg Varney drunk one of them in ‘Holiday on the Buses”.

(pause)

D: (nods head back at departing W) Is he a bit …funny (imperceptibly waggles head)

R: I dunno

D: Yeah, he is, definitely a bandit, that one. Tonight we dance wiv our backs to the wall, Rodney.

(discuss why R broke up with last girlfriend, turns out she was turned off by his policewoman fetish)

A half a lager for sir. And a Caribbean Stallion for Mandingo. That’ll be seven pounds.

D: (handing over ten pound note) Seven quid?! Blimey, I can get that for three quid where I come from.

W: Oh you’re from Jersey are you? (puts D’s change in his coat pocket, light patting it and momentarily leaning in) Enjoy your stay.

D: (as W moves away, mutters to R ) What’s he on about - Jersey?

W: (turns around to lean near D) By the way, the barman said, would you like some evaporated milk with that?

D: (cheerily waves waiter closer, then face goes harsh) Tell the barman to go and get stuffed (takes money off waiter’s tray)

W: Thank you. Sir! (stalks off)

D: (mutters) Thank you Sir.

R: (looking behind D) Del. Del!

D: What?

(nods head behind D. D swivels around. Sees the back of two women with long cascading hair at the bar. D turns with pleased expression to speak to R)

D: No. Not now (checks watch) it’s only twenty to eight. If we pull ‘em now we gotta buy ‘em drinks all night.

R: We could take ‘em back to the flat!

D: That’s an idea! We can have ourselves a little party.

R: Yeah (really excited) Go on Del! You can charm a tortoise out of a shell, you can.

D: Now you! (gets up, adjusts tie, pulls at watch, gets out cigar) Look, learn, and listen!

Swaggers up behind girls, turns around once towards R to show he is master of situation. We see this from R’s p.o.v. D leans his head in between the two women clasping a hand across each of their shoulders. We hear nothing, but R’s head is conversation turning from one to the other. He steps away. Takes cigar out of his mouth, walks back to R, coughs slightly.

D: Drink up. we’re leaving

R is ecstatic, slapping thighs. R sucks his cocktail down

R: You’re great. You’re the last miracle left on this earth (slaps D on back)

D: Shut up! And drink up, will ya!

R: Yeah, yeah. Are they a couple of ravers?

D: (said almost to chime with R’s last line) They’re a couple of geezers.

The two women suddenly swivel around their seats, to reveal two men. They have heavy stubble, and heavy make-up around the eyes. From the front the long wigs are fairly bad, and the dresses hang poorly on what are quite masculine physiques. They smile ingratiatingly at the two.

D gets up almost weak at the knees and steps backwards to the stairs out of the night club. The two men in drag make a moue. D bolts up the stairs. They now look at R.

R rises out of his chair, shoulders hunched, and makes his way awkwardly to the stairs with his back almost pressed against the far wall of the club, since there is no way of being further away from them. Enjoying themselves, they pucker their lips at R, wink at him, and one runs tongue around lips.

R shoots up stairs. They turn to each other. Cuts to loud, noisy straight nightclub, evident from lots of boys and girls dancing. D and R, in shock having a drink. R apologies profusely)

R: I didn’t know it was that sort of place!

D: Right blinding night I’ve had! I’ve become a member of a gay club, discovered me brother’s a pervo, and had a close encounter with two dockers in drag! (takes drink) You better not tell anybody about this, Rodney. I’ve got my macho reputation to uphold

(realises he is pointing with pink drink’s umbrella, throws it down) to uphold! I’m warning you! One person, just one, calls me The Naked Civil Servant, and I’ll kill you!

R: Don’t be Silly, Del! I’m hardly going to go around bragging that I saw my own brother trying to date a couple of transvestites.

(when R shortly draws R’s attention to two women at a table)

D: A couple of birds? Probably Hinge and Brackett out having a pint.

391: Anita Bryant 7: Maude

Maude
The Gay Bar” - 3 December 1977

Story by Michael Endler and Thad Mumford
Script by Michael Endler, Thad Mumford, Arthur Julian, and Bill Davenport

Maude Findlay - Bea Arthur
Walter Findlay - Bill Macy
Dr. Arthur Harmon - Conrad Bain
Vivian Harmon - Rue McClanahan
Mark Duncan - Macon McCalman
Hubie Binder - Larry Gelman
Phillip - Kraig Metzinger
Bartender - Frank Campanella
Man - Craig Richard Nelson

Part 1

Part 2

Maude is an outspoken, liberal feminist. Maude’s husband Walter invites their conservative Republican neighbour Arthur Harmon and his wife Vivian to stay a couple of days while their house is fumigated. Maude is upset because as far she is concerned Arthur is nothing but a “narrow-minded conservative” and his stay will mean nothing but arguments. Vivien tells Maude that she has instructed Arthur that he mustn’t raise any subjects that might start an argument with Maude. Immediately he bursts into the room shouting.

Arthur: “I hope you’re satisfied Maude Finley! A bunch of homosexual pansies has just opened a bar in Tuckahoe!”

A new bar has opened in the shopping centre. Arthur first thought it was a Mexican restaurant because it was called “The Gay Caballero”. Muade argues that gays are entitled to have bars and to exist. Arthur trots out the “If God wanted gay people he wouldn’t have created Adam and Eve, he’d have created Adam and Steve”.

Arthur refuse to leave as he has arranged for the new head administrator at the hospital, Mr Duncan to drop some papers off, and Arthur is angling for a new position. After Mr Duncan leaves, Arthur’s friend Hubie rushes in. Hubie wants to talk with Arthur about how they can using zoning laws to close down the bar. – “laws against immoral behaviour, laws against lewd conduct” while Maude protests these laws are outdated.

Hubie: “We have to think of the children….First it’s a gay bar, next it’s a gay geography teacher”

Arthur: “Teaching our children how to get from Tuckahoe to Greenwich village

Hubie and Arthur then start to plan a picket of the bar. When Maude says they’re harassing men sitting around innocently in a neighborhood bar, Arthur replies “Sitting around innocently? Are you kidding? Why, they’re in there dancing with each other, exchanging phone numbers, looking at pictures of Al Pacino!”

Maude says he’s ridiculous and asks if he’s ever been into a gay bar, since he’s ignorant of what’s going on. Maude challenges him to visit “The Gay Caballero” the next afternoon with her, and says this will prove that all his preconceptions are false.

Arthur “What does go on in there?”

Maude: “I don’t know but I’m dying to find out!”

END OF 1ST HALF

Arthur enters Maude’s home asking Walter if his jacket is too butch for a gay bar. Walter tells him that Maude will be late and to go ahead and she will meet him at the bar. Arthur presses Walter to go with him. Maude’s grandson Philip overhears them mention “The Gay Caballero” and wants to know why they’re talking about a gay bar. Arthur is a little shocked Philip knows about it but says he’s going there because he’s part of a group that wants to close it. Philip wants to know why.

Arthur: “Alright, Philip, I guess you’re old enough to understand a few facts. Now. The first fact is gay people are….er, well, they’re Sick. They have a sort of a disease.”

Philip: “Is it a contagious disease? Is that why you want to close the bar?”

Arthur: (grasping for words a little)“No, it’s not contagious, really. But you see gay people shouldn’t be out at a bar having a good time. They should be at home. Alone. Being ashamed that they’re gay. Trying to get cured.”

Philip: “What’s the cure for being gay?”

Arthur: (pause) “Bowling!”

Philip: (perplexed) “Bowling?!”

Arthur: “Well it’s a start. These gay guys have to start doing something manly. That’s what brings them around.”

Philip: “I thought you didn’t want them around”

Arthur: “Philip, I seem to be having trouble getting you to understand the danger of this gay bar. What’s wrong? I’ve always been able to communicate with you”

Philip: “It’s not your fault Dr Harmon. It’s just that this year in school I’m taking a course in logic.

Philip leaves. Arthur drags the reluctant Walter with him, telling him, “You have to protect Philip against this pernicious, insidious sickness.”

Scene cuts to the Gay bar. There is a protracted camera pan of the bar to confirm just how normal the décor and patrons are.

Walter and Arthur enter the bar. Arthur immediately says, “Look at these people. It’s disgusting. I wish all their mothers would walk in here right now”. When Walter says they look alright to him, A replies “You don’t think look like us do you”. Walter points out a man wearing the same jacket as Arthur. Arthur says “He’s probably trying it on to not look like a sissy”

Arthur and Walter take seats at the bar and are greeted by a tall, gruff bartender.

When the bartender has his back turned Arthur says, “Do you see that bartender, he’s a flaming queen”.

When the two order Walter says he doesn’t drink so he’ll have an orange juice. The whole bar goes quiet and everyone turns to stare at him, and the bartender forcefully tells him they don’t serve orange juice anymore

When the bartender notes its their first time there, he says its full of nice guys, and they even have a bowling league (which makes Arthur choke). Maude enters, orders a drink, ands says it’s just a quiet, respectable bar, well-behaved customers. Arthur says he’s not fooled “It’s still early. After a few martinis, they’ll all start acting gay”

Maude: “After a few martinis, Anita Bryant would start acting gay”.

A male couple opposite Arthur are talking, and one takes the others hand and claps it to his cheek. Arthur is frantic, and in a panic grabs Walter’s hand to grab his attention, prompting Maude to dryly ask Arthur to take his hand off her husband.

Walter excuses himself to go to the lavatory: “I’m dying to find out what they write on their walls”

To prove gay men are like everybody else Maude grabs one of the couple and ask if she and Arthur can talk to him.

Arthur tells him: “I believe very strongly that people who indulge in strange sexual behaviour have no place in this community”

Man: “I see your point. But you straight people have to live someplace”.

Arthur: “My friend here has been trying to tell me that aside from sexual preferences there’s no differbnce between you and I. And I object to that, very strongly”.

Man: “So do I” (stands up. Excuse me I’d like to get back to my date.”

Arthur: “No matter what you say, Maude, these gay people shouldn’t be on display. They should be hidden away someplace, where decent human beings aren’t forced to look at them.”

Maude: “Like in a gay bar”

Arthur: “Yes (catches himself) No! The fact is there are laws that prohibit places like this. And this one should be closed down.

Bartender comes over, and A tells him they’re going to close the bar down because it is violating Tuckahoe ordinances. Bartender tells them he knows, which is why they’re not in Tuckahoe, whose borders end on the other side of the street. When he realises it’s legal, he backs down. Maude thinks he and his vigilantes are still going to harass the bar, but Arthur says he believes in the law and would never break it. Maude rediscovers he reasons for having him as a friend, since despite his bigotry and stupidity, he is a man of principles. When the two hug, the bartender admonishes them: “None of that stuff in here”

Just as the pair are about to leave Mr Duncan suddenly enters the bar. Arthur blusters, but Duncan tells him it’s alright “We’ll just make this our little secret” then turns around to tell the bartender he’ll have his “usual”. The episode finishes with Arthur looking dumbfounded.

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This references Anita Bryant in a number of ways. There are a couple of jokes about Bryant. There’s the obvious joke by Maude naming Bryant. Then there’s the offended reaction by the bar to Walter’s drink order alluding to gay bars boycotting orange juice because Bryant was the spokesperson for Florida orange juice.

The whole episode though is inspired by Anita Bryant and her Save Our Children campaign. A story that was six months old, it would still be in the public’s memory but long enough to knock up this script. Arthur and Hubie’s homophobia is justified by protecting children hence the name of Bryant’s organisation. Like the Dade Country ordinance, Hubie and Arthur want to repeal the presence of the homosexuals by recourse to legal options.

What I have left out of my recap is most of Maude’s arguments in which she argues for gay equality, that gay people are just like everybody else and have their rights too. It’s good that such a strong argument is consistently put throughout the episode but there is very little that is actually humorous as it is all sincerely meant. If the viewer isn’t prepared to be convinced by Maude, there is the alternate avenue of being convinced of the irrelevancy of homophobia by Arthur who is the more interesting character here. It’s notable that he’s allowed to use most of the mildest gay slurs. However he’s also an arrogant, idiotic blowhard – a kind of upper middle class Archie Bunker (and this sitcom is produced by the same team as "All In The Family” ). In various ways all of Arthur’s points are refuted by the episode and it’s significant that he is defeated in argument by the small boy who he is claiming to protect. As Arthur is a recurring character, his bigoted lines are not delivered in a real tone of hate or ugliness which allows the audience to focus more on their stupidity and comic idiocy.

That the episode then actually visits the bar is fairly brave. Possibly one of the earliest example on US TV. The bar however, for ideological reasons, is the most normal seeming bar yet shown on TV or the cinema to date – hence most of my screenshots of the décor and patrons for reasons of comparison with other gay bars. No flamboyant sissies, no bitchy queens, no leathermen, no dancing couples, no drag queens, nor any shame. This repudiates all the curiosity that Arthur, Maude and Walter express.

Of course, anyone who has even the faintest awareness of formal structures in sitcoms, knows that once they’d introduced Mr Duncan, Arthur’s superior in the first half of the episode, once they all made the trip to the bar it was dead cert that he would make another appearance at the bar thereby turning out to be gay.

319: W.K.R.P. in Cincinnati 1981

“W.K.R.P. in Cincinnati”
18 November 1981
"Three Days Of The Condo", written by Lissa Levin

Here we reach the point that gay stereotypes can be used for the express purpose of discomforting bigots. So we get Johnny Fever camping it up with gusto to shrieks from the audience. I think the audience’s enjoyment stems equally from provoking the staid, uptight condo committee and from the nelly posturing and exaggerated inter-racial romantic affections of Johnny.

Hesseman had played a gay character several times on the sitcom “The Bob Newhart Show” in the later ‘70s, but I haven’t seen it so can’t compare.

The third episode of the first season of WKRP had a gay-themed episode in 1978. When a local athlete overhears other reporters refer to Les as a "Queer Little Guy" (because of his lack of knowledge about sports and his strange behaviour), Les gets banned from the locker room at the stadium for being gay. Whether true or not, the rumours prompt the permanently uptight Les to contemplate suicide by jumping off the building. They eventually get Les to talk to the player by phone and the matter is straightened out. The line "Les, it's okay if you're a homo." was redubbed in syndication as "Les, it's okay if you're gay."

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Howard Hesseman (Johnny "Fever" Caravella)
Tim Reid (Gordon "Venus Flytrap" Sims)
Richard Sanders (Les Nessman)
Weldon Boyce Bleiler (Mr. Waynwright)
Constance Pfeifer (Ms. Archer)

Johnny receives a settlement cheque of $24,000. Johnny starts spending his money recklessly until Venus convinces him to invest in a condominium at "Gone With The Wind Estates". When Johnny begins to feel confined due to all the rules, he tries to pull out of his investment. Johnny and Vegas speak to the condominium committee. When Johnny can't get out of the contract, he threatens to throw loud, wild parties "night, after night, after night" until the contract is released. The female condo committee head responds that she will just have Johnny arrested, "...night after night after night, until you learn to behave yourself like a good little 'Gone-with the-Wind-er'."
In Johnny’s empty apartment. Mr Waynwright and Ms Archer sat down facing Johnny and Venus. Johnny sat in one chair. Venus stood up

V: I mean, there’s gotta be something we can do here. I mean, let’s see here. (confidentially, nudging J on shoulder) Johnny, can you think of anything?

(long pause. V still tapping J slightly on shoulders, to encourage him to do or say something.

J: No….ah…

(but J looks up as V walks away to far end of room)

J: (matter of factly) But, I think it’s time we started telling the truth, Venus

V: (turning around) It is?

J: Yes it is. (gets up) Now Lord knows, I Do want to be a good “Gone-with-the-Wind-er”. (walks across to V) It’s Venus here that’s really unhappy.

(Since V is stood on higher part of flooring, J is slightly beneath V, turns around to gesture at V with one slightly limp hand)



J: And that is his first name – Venus. Just like the Goddess of love and beauty.

(J clasps his hands together. Simpers slightly. Looks up at V from lidded, slightly fluttery eyes)



J: (adopting a camper tone) Cross my heart, Vene, once we move in here together, you’re going to come to Love it.

(J steps up to V, and puts one hand on nearest shoulder and other hand around V’s nearest arm. V is now very uncomfortable and remains so for the rest of this scene)

J: Just think of all the things we can do with Textures?

(J moves hand on V’s nearest shoulder to farthest shoulder)

J: Hm, hm? Remember those darling little wall-hangings we saw in that shop off Decker Street? They were to die, Vene, just to DIE! What do you say?

(J moves hand on V’s farthest shoulder to top of farthest arm and cuddles/shakes/rocks V slightly)



J: Just loosen up, hm, how ‘bout it?

V: Errrrr-hah

J: (to W and A) It’s that old South thing that’s got him upset. You know, the slavery bugaboo, and that is just So Silly.



(suddenly takes V by the hand and pulls him back to chairs. V sits embarrassed, with hands clasped in lap. J talks with a lot of swishy gestures of one hand)

J: Now we’ll blend right in here. We’ll just go to all the parties. We’ll get to know our neighbours.
(rests hand on V’s shoulder and leans into him)



J: We’ll enjoy the pool, and the sauna.

J: (to W and A) We will practically LIVE in the sauna. Think about it Vene? We can take long strolls through “Frankly My Dear Park”, hm?

(sits down on chair next to V)

J: We can have Mr Wainwright and Miss Archer over for some of your scampi, wouldn’t that be fun?
(now has one hand on V’s nearest shoulder and other on V’s lower arm)



J: So how ‘bout it, you two? What do you say?

(with his hands fluttering apart to punctuate each key word)

J: Let’s just forget about all this terrible Business and just LIVE and create, and just BE?

(W and A look awkwardly at each other)

J: He’ll be alright, I’ll talk to him.

(J puts hand on V’s, crosses his legs, and looks knowingly at V)



(shot of uncomfortable W and A.)



(Cuts to WKRP office. V is now recounting with great humour the events just)

V: And then I swear he reached over and gave me a peck on the cheek

Les: Yuck!

Herb: You didn’t tell ‘em you very from KRP, did ya? They are clients of mine, you know.

V: No. But I did tell them I knew you very well (puckers his lips at him) We went over to the office and tore up the contracts. Fever was completely out of control. (aping camp enthusiasm with arms half thrown up in air with lip hands) He was ‘Liza Minnelli’ this and ‘Liza Minnelli’ that!



J comes in through closed door

V: Well there you are, you dusky devil! (slumps against door frame)



End of scene