352: Lenny Bruce - Thank You, Mask Man

“Thank You, Mask Man”, 1968
Performed by Lenny Bruce,
Directed by Jeff Hale, animated by Imagination, Inc
(According to Albert Goldman’s doorstopping biography of Lenny Bruce, this routine dates back to 1962.)

“Masked man’s a fag!”

Unlike almost every other piece of the last month or so, in its subversion of childhood heroes this routine actually analyses the social consequences and impetuses of so-called heroism. Why are people “heroes”, and how are they perceived by the public? And what happens when they don’t fulfil the role we have set up for them? –i.e. not receive our gratitude with the appropriate social niceties, or lust after Tonto.
Like most Lenny Bruce routines this skit was semi-improvised and developed every night. This animation is therefore a recording of just one version, not necessarily even an optimum version. “The Essential Lenny Bruce” features a much longer version, which gets a lot of mileage out of making everybody heavily Yiddish. This version has a quick bit about syphilis instead. “The Essential Lenny Bruce” also has opening and closing sections which nicely frames Bruce’s reason for the whole routine, so I’ve included them in the transcript in brackets.

According to the cartoon’s producer John Magnuson, at early showings of this, gay audiences were upset by its apparent “fag-bashing”. And it’s true, part of the fun of the piece is just crying out “Masked man’s a fag”, scandalising and defacing the image of this all-American hero. But it’s within the larger context of Bruce’s analysis of heroism, and that the towns people reject the Masked Man is because of their prejudices, not because Bruce is asking us to endorse them.
Part of the reason why this is so successful and was worth animating is because Bruce has hit upon one of the modern myths. Modern youth may not be so au fait with the Lone Ranger in particular, but the single heroic cowboy who rides into save the day is a powerful icon. The cowboy is not merely the fodder of childhood games and entertainment (pow-pow, ptanng), but also inextricably binds American machismo with American history.

I do like the legally precise yet biologically evasive term “an unnatural sex act”. This cartoon was one of the joys of keeping the dial tuned to PBS stations so many years ago, the odd little films and cartoons used as fillers. I suppose all this stuff has migrated to Youtube now. But it’s not the same as having it unexpectedly blazon itself on your consciousness at 10.25 on a Wednesday school night.

Bruce testified in the Jazz Workshop trial in San Francisco about the Lone Ranger sketch. Prosecutor Ronald Ross had the following exchange with Bruce, as reported in THE TRIALS OF LENNY BRUCE: THE RISE AND FALL OF AN AMERICAN ICON.
Ross: Well, specifically, you are talking about...the unnatural act between Lone Ranger and Tonto...
Bruce: Yes...What's the most ridiculous thing that the Lone Ranger could do? We assume that it's completely incongruous...He wants the Indian...To perform an unnatural act. It is silly, you know...
Ross: In other words, you were not trying to say anything about the unnatural act, then? In other words, it was just for incongruity, then? Was it trying to raise a laugh from the audience? Was that its point?
Bruce: What do you want from me? Tell me—
Ross: Just your answers.
Bruce: I didn't--I didn't want to encourage anyone in the audience to be perverse or perform an unnatural act.

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[There was only one guy – I just thought of a man now – Selflessness – a man who did it all for you, and wanted nothing in return. Ohhhh (sigh), what a good man, a man that never waited for “thank you”. Who was that good man? The Lone Ranger. He was truly that Corpus Christi image projected, a man that never waited for “thank you”. Cleaned up towns of five thousand people. Always did the same bit: The Silver Bullet; nod; and split – HHHHHYYYYYUU, SSLLLLLLVVVVVVAA....]

Redneck: Mask Man, what's your story, buddy? You know Mr. Di Angelo, he's hoppin' ass mad at you. His momma made all those hot pancakes and you run'd off. Run'd off and didn't wait for nuthin. How come you're so snobby you can't accept love or thank you from nobody?

Lone Ranger (noble tones): I'll explain - take your goddamn hands off me, you barbarians. The reason I never wait for thank you …see …ah...Supposing for once I wait for thank you?

Redneck: Thank you, Mask Man.

Lone Ranger: What's that?

Redneck: Thank you, Mask Man.

Lone Ranger: Thank you, Masked man!? Goddamn it, I like that! Let's hear it once again, son.

Redneck: Thank you, Mask Man.

Lone Ranger: Thank you, Masked Man. Ain't that sweet?

(In background) Mask man, help Mask Man, help we're being robbed, get the Mask Man!

Lone Ranger: Don’t break my balls now. I've helped you people a lot. I'm entitled to take one week off to get some “thank you”s. You're not gonna get nuthin' if you keep it up. All right, let's have it again.

Redneck: Thank you, Mask Man.

Lone Ranger: I'm gonna get a book, that's all, screw these people. I'll get a “Thank You Mask Man” book. I'll put it in the book. They'll say, "You in the shingle business?" I'll say, "You think I'm in the shingle business? - look at this: “Thank you, Masked Man. The people of Long Island.” Look at all the “Thank you, Masked Mans'"….I'm going down to the mailbox to see if the “Thank you, Mask Man” has been here today....Someone's been fooling with my mail, I know it. Someone is foolin' with my mail! Where is my 'Thank you, Masked Man?'

Preacher: There are no more 'Thank you, Mask Mans.' The Messiah returned during the night."

Lone Ranger: The Messiah? What has this to do with me?

Preacher: Well, you see men like yourself you thrived upon the continuance of segregation, violence and disease. Now that Messiah has returned all is pure. You're in the shit house.

Lone Ranger: Well then, I'll make trouble. Because I'm geared for it. And I must have a 'Thank you, Masked Man.' That's why I always ride off and never wait for 'thank you.'

Redneck: Man, you sure can talk some shit buddy! I got a goddamn headache. My head hurts me. What the hell you talking about -"Thank you, Mask Man--the people of Long Island"? Look, I work for the city. You know what I mean, buddy? I got a job to do. Now look, I'm here to see you accept a present, just one present. Do it for the kids and we'll get the hell out of here. What do you say?

Lone Ranger: Alright, for the children I'll do it. Give me…no ashtrays…Anything I like?

Redneck: Anything. Just take a whip, or a doll--any of them of things on the top shelf.

Lone Ranger: I tell you what…Anything? Give me that Indian over there.

Redneck: Who's that…Tanto?

Lone Ranger: Yes, Tanta…I want Tanta the Indian.

Redneck: What you talking about? You can't have Tanto.

Lone Ranger: Bullshit! You made the deal. That's what I want. I want Tanta the Indian.

Redneck: You gonna get your Tanta buddy. His name ain't Tanta it's Tant-o. What the hell you want Tanto for?

Lone Ranger: To perform an unnatural act.

Redneck: What!?

Lone Ranger: To perform an unnatural act.

Redneck: Oh, the Mask Man’s a fag. Bleagh! Blaargh! …Fag man! Bleargh, a dirty fag, you dang queer you. The Mask -fag man, ain't that a kick in the ass. Bet you got mascarry under that damn mask, ain't you? A dang queer, I never knew you a fag, Mask Man.

Lone Ranger: I'm not a fag, but I heard a lot about it and read “Expose” and I want to try it now to see how bad it is, just once. I like what they do with fags anyway. Their punishment is quite correct. They throw them in jail with a lot of men. Very clever, hmm-hmm! Wash him up and get him ready. Tell you what - give me the horse too.

Redneck: What the hell you want the horse for?

Lone Ranger: For the Act.

Redneck: Dang queer freak!

Growing reverberating chorus of disgust, cries of fag!

[I always wonder about the anonymous giver. Cause the anonymous giver truly is the egomaniac: “I’m so good – I’m not going to tell anybody.” That’s sick, man. I’m going to leave you with this, that the only anonymous giver is the guy that knocks up your daughter.]

24 Faggots: Lenny Bruce

From “The Essential Lenny Bruce”, open gate Books, 1973
These routines, circa 1963, from quotes by Paul Krassner in “The Realist”

You know, it's really weird. You've heard, no doubt, that Rock Hudson is a faggot. Course you've heard it. I've heard it, and everything's in the papers:
‘Rock Hudson 's a fag. He's a fruit.'
'Yeah, Rock Hudson 's a fag. A fag.'
I started thinking about it. I mean, he doesn't look like a faggot to me. Then I find out there's two hookers, who don't know each other - East Coast, West Coast - that balled him. So if he gave up some bread for some trim, well, then he just can’t be a faggot.
Double gaited? No. That's some bullshit some faggot made up. I mean, I never did meet any cat. who was double gaited. You dig chicks, or you don't, man.
It's very possible that Rock Hudson is very sexual. He's just probably a very horny cat - makes it with guys, chicks, mud, sheep, anything: his fist. He's a real baisser - that could be, couldn't it?
Like all of us: me, you, you - put us on a desert island for five years, no chicks, you'll ball mud. Emmis. You have, man. Knotholes.
'Are you kidding? -"What are you doing next to that tree, you slob you? What are you doing? Schtupping a tree!’
'It's my tree.'
'Your back'll get crooked.'
I challenge this audience. I challenge your manhood. I will give you - hear me well (and the owner will back me up) - one thousand dollars. I will pay for the lie-detector test. The daddy of the polygraph is here in. this town. His name is Reed. Now if it's good enough for Brinks and Powers, it's good enough for you and me.
You take the lie-detector test. The purpose is to stop casting the first stone: you cannot cast the first stone if you're' stoned in front.
I challenge your manhood. Because if ‘homosexual' means - like the cliche, no such thing as being a little pregnant - if faggot means ever involved with a homosexual, active or passive, then I just know I'm looking at a room full of fags. Isn't that weird? Whether you were two years old or six years old, any time that scoutmaster or gym coach jacked you off to a Tillie and Mack book, your Uncle Donald wanted to kiss you, or that truck driver that jacked you off when you were hitchhiking on Merrick Road, or you were experimenting and playing doctor - that's it, Jim: you're a sometimes fag.
That's the worst thing you can call us, right? Goddamn, man. It really bugs guys to call them faggot. .

Faggots. . . Dig. Isn't the argument against pornography - selling pornography, making it available to the public? That the man is happily married, or he's just a happy cat, and you come along with some matter the predominant appeal of which is 'to his prurient interest. And what you're doing;. you're entrapping him. You're inciting him. Something that the guy wouldn't be thinking of ordinarily - you're getting him horny. You're getting it up, and you're not getting it off, and you're creating a clear and present danger. And it's worthless, and so that's the objection to it. And that's a valid objection.
But when I hear about faggots who get arrested in toilets!
'How'd you get arrested in a toilet?'
'Oh, I accosted a peace officer:
'Well, that's certainly no concept of reality, I mean, you certainly –‘
'Well, I didn't know he was a peace officer.’
'What do you mean?'
'Well, he didn't have any uniform on.’
'Well, he wasn't wearing a costume, was he? He wasn't wearing a low-cut gown - '
What a low-cut gown to a faggot must be is like tight Levis with a padded basket.
'- I mean, he wasn't wearing Levis and leaning up against the urinal like that - sultry -like that, was he? Cause if he was, that's bullshit, then. Cause he was appealing to your prurient interest, then. And entrapping you. You can't do that.'

It's a funny thing, all the different stages that we've all gone through. My generation was so - well, me, phew! Such hang-ups about ever being called a faggot that I'm amazed at any guy who can go into a public toilet and do anything but piss and leave!
Guys who can wash their hands are amazing to me. I just unbutton, psshhhhht! up! out!
'Wait, I want to talk to you!'
'Not in here - are you kidding?'
Cause if somebody said
'What are you doing in that toilet?'
'I dunno, ah, uh, heh, heh . . .'
'What were you doing in there! Did you make?'
'Yeah, I did, ah . . .'
'Alright. But don't hang around here. O.K.'

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A few cartoons and routines this week featuring THAT six-letter word.

Given the period when Lenny Bruce was performing, faggot is about the only word he could use. He’s too early for “gay”. And since Lenny Bruce uses a sort of hip street-preacher spiel, then homosexual is just too high-toned a word for him to use without some irony. So “faggot” it has to be, even when most of these routines are actually sympathetic. Of course, being sympathetic then, doesn’t mean that he gets away with harbouring, with what seems to us oh-so modern sophisticates, some rather strange ideas about what it means to be gay.

Lenny Bruce posed as gay to get out of army service. He first became a noted comic when performing at Ann’s 440, a gay club in San Francisco.

When these routines were published in "The Essential Lenny Bruce", Rock Hudson's name was blanked out. However, when Hudson died, Krassner quoted a section in issue #99 of his "The Realist" reminding everyone of Bruce's shtick.