399: The Romans in Britain

“The Romans in Britain” was a play by Howard Brenton first staged in 1980 by the National Theatre. The play alternates between contemporary English troops in occupied Ireland, and the titular Romans in Britain as a study in imperialism and violence. The fact that all the ancient Celts appeared on stage naked was enough to raise a few hackles. But newspapers took a lot more interest in the scene in which a Celtic druid is raped by Roman troops.

Michael Heath
“Punch”, 29 October 1980
An opportunity for a little-same sex explains all these rather fey, twinkly-eyed persons on stage in a quasi-S&M scenario.

The play would probably have faded in the nether realm where most theatrical productions reside with just a few more sniggers given the sexual aspects and a little more outrage than usual given its pro-Irish independence theme. However it really hit the headlines due to the activities of censorious religiously motivated prude and all-around screw-face Mary Whitehouse. Never knowingly without sand in her vag, though Whitehouse knew nothing about politics (the subtleties of rape as a metaphor passed over her head with a sonic boom), she knew filth when she heard about it. If the depiction of sodomitical intercourse between men on stage wasn’t filth then nothing was. The self-appointed guardian of the nation’s morals didn’t go see the play, but did send one of her minions to attend a showing. He reported he had seen one of the actors insert his penis into another actor's rear. Despite Whitehouse’s urgings the Director of Public Prosecutions said no legal action would be taken, so Whitehouse initiated her own private prosecution against the director for having "procured an act of gross indecency” contrary to the Sexual Offences Act of 1956 – the same law used against cottaging.

Not the Nine O’Clock News, 1981
(First half is a parody of the somewhat raunchy dance troupe “Hot Gossip”, a few of whose members were fairly obviously gay. Here you can you see Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys-Jones and Mel Smith as “The Nancy Boys” swishing about to Blondie’s “Atomic” as some rather bored dancers more than just a little cheesed off with their lithe female colleagues tarting it about – whereas real gay dancers would probably try to outshine the females and hog the spotlight. This is closer to the cliche of male ballet dancers bored and envious of the attention given to then women).
Starts at 1.18
The play makes the perfect occasion for an “I’ll be buggered if I go out there” joke.

The trial went around with terrible consequences for the accused if found guilty. The prosecution though had only one witness, the minion who had reported to Whitehouse. His evidence was that he had seen a penis penetrate. Upon questioning it was revealed that he had purchased a cheap seat at the rear of the audience making him unreliable, so that he had not seen what had really happened on stage - the actor had in fact simply made a fist with his thumb sticking out and mimed penetration.

“Punch” 2 September 1981

The presiding judge said the case could still continue on the Act's grounds of obscenity as the tendency to deprave or corrupt, but then Whitehouse’s lawyer refused to proceed and the case collapsed in an unprecedented manner. Both sides claimed victory, although since she was the party who initiated a £40,000 law case on the basis of an obscured thumb, you can’t help but feel Whitehouse looks the more foolish.

Mile Kington, “The Times”, 24 Mar. 1982

381: Golden Chestnuts III

Another long-running English joke.
“Heaven” is the gay London nightclub, established in 1979. The name is obviously a bit cheeky, and so provokes jokes. More mark of its success must be that it has crossed over into heterosexual awareness.
How many people would be expected to know the name of a gay nightclub in the early 1980s? Well here’s a demonstration.


From "Not 1983" calendar

And so for about thirty years, there have been, cartoons sketches, and bits and banter of the like:

Obviously gay man (preferable clone-style so no one is oblivious) says to vicar: See you in Heaven.

Or :

First figure: My friend’s gone to Heaven.
Second figure: (condolences) Oh I’m so sorry to hear that.
First figure: No, the club

380: Golden Chestnuts II

Oh please, Dr Freud, I enquire in a faux-naif fashion as a perfectly normal macho man, please tell me what my incessant dreams of phallic objects can mean?


From “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (Aren't You Sorry You Asked?)” by John Boni
in “National Lampoon”, July 1971


from “Not 1983” calendar

The latter one I include merely because over three years since the Jeremy Thorpe case and people are still making Liberal Party = Gay jokes (Clement Freud was a prominent Liberal MP, and need I explain Jeremy T?). This is what life was like before 24 hour constant media bombardment.

282: Anthony Blunt 3

At the beginning of November 1979 Anthony Boyle published “The Climate of Treason”. The book could not explicitly refer to Blunt, but it still raised suspicions that Anthony Blunt was the Fourth Man. That Blunt employed a lawyer to demand that the copy be vetted for any possible references was a disastrous action since it only drew further attention and at last gave reasonable grounds for journalists to make public comment. On 15 November 1979 the Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, prompted by questions from a Labour MP, confirmed in the House of Commons that Blunt had been an agent and talent spotter for Russian intelligence. Immediately Buckingham Palace, where Blunt in his capacity as a respected art historian had been employed as personal advisor on art, announced that Blunt’s knighthood was cancelled and annulled. On 20 November 1979 Anthony Blunt gave a wholly unexpected interview to “The Times”, so providing his personal account. Thus the sudden if slightly belated interest in homosexual matters that results in everything below. Comment about commie queers prior to Blunt’s statements might have been a tad libellous. Blunt was rightly vilified across the press, although in the abuse heaped on him there may be some undigested elements of class hatred and homophobia. So what follows is a test of ingenuity as cartoonists and humorists vie for as many ways as possible to spin gags out of the idea that gay = spy


Mac in “Daily Mail”, 19 November 1979

So first off it’s a Russian boyfriend. For an aging civil servant, as Blunt was. Possibly some aspect of the idea we’ve seen before that the civil service is packed with ‘em, that the high-end of the bureaucracy is a veritable boy’s club for well-educated pooves. Although the humour lies in that it’s a phone call from a lover at the most inopportune moment.


Bill Caldwell in “Daily Star”, 20 November 1979

Then it’s a subversion of the previous macho spy stereotype of James Bond. Which we’ve seen Cyril Connolly do already fifteen years earlier. Besides a “Punch” parody from the mid-1970s when someone or other said the intelligence service was stuffed full of homosexuals: “The Spy Who Minced In”, it wa.


JAK in “Evening Standard”, 20 November 1979

As we’ve seen before, when homosexuality is the problem then Jak can be relied upon to turn the situation on its head, replacing the institutionalised homosexual – vicar, sailor, or whatever, with some definite instance of heterosexuality.


Cover to “Private Eye”, 23 November 1979

Can’t you see? Are you blind? It’s a pun – queen, her royal majesty, and queen, homosexual.


Michael Heath in “Private Eye”, 23 November 1979



Michael Heath in “Spectator”, 24 November 1979


Michael Heath in “Spectator”, 19 January 1980

This is Michael Heath’s regular trick of blanket assumptions of equivalency. Both of these assume that anything gay is therefore automatically associated with spying.



Mahood, in “Punch”, 28 November 1979

Assorted suggestive pictures to append speech bubbles to. You’ll notice that two men together in a semi-intimate setting could be either spies conspiring to pass confidential information or else a homosexual clinch. The phrase “fellow traveller” was used to describe the Communist sympathisers who sprang up in England in the 1930s


from “Punch”, 19 December 1979
a spoof article about the events of the 1980s
speech bubble reads “Shut that file!” – a play on Grayson’s catchphrase “Shut that door”.

It was sheer coincidence, but both Larry Grayson, the well-known camp British entertainer and Blunt had the same horse-faced mien. So here the writers employ Grayson’s camp, luvvie tones to retrospectively interpret the scandal of the previous weeks. So some of it is an attack on Grayson’s persona, his behaviour on TV, his treatment of his guests and his limp wrists. There’s also a slight denigration to Blunt in suggesting Grayson was the ideal man to play him. It’s the acceptable face of homosexuality, without hinting at any bedroom shenanigans.




The first 1979 series of “Not the Nine O’Clock News” had a sketch about the Communists and Western forces trading spies at a checkpoint. After the exchange, the camera follows the Russian spymaster leading his English double agent back to Russia. The English spy thanks his spymaster (Mel Smith), and enquires what work he will get in Mother Russia. The spymaster says “Don’t be foolish. No boyfriend of mine works”. So it’s back to the same assumption that any spy must be gay.

35 - Gay Lib - Not! The General Election

from "Not! The General Election", edited by John Lloyd, Sphere Books, 1983

THE NATIONAL GAY ALLIANCE PARTY

The National Gay Alliance Party stands for the principle that gay people are exactly the same as everyone else and should be treated as such, EXCEPT in the matters of:
- what we use our bottoms for
- what we use other people's bottoms for
- the fact that we prefer duller and more bottom-oriented television programmes
- the fact that we would prefer to see something a little different on Page Three of 'The Sun' - namely a bottom

What is it about a gay person that makes them different? Well, not much. The bottoms, of course. And a few other, tell -tale signs. We use soft loo paper. We like to drive black Porsche turbos. We prefer teaspoons to stir our coffee with, rather than the little white plastic twigs that so-called 'normal' people enjoy using. Otherwise, we're indistinguishable from anyone else: the same hopes and frustrations, the same needs and wants, the same willies and bottoms.

OUR POLICIES ARE:
* the abolition of the House of Lords, and its replacement by a House of Bottoms
* an immediate reduction in the number of private bottoms in the NHS
* government grants for the refurbishment of decaying inner-city bottoms
* nationalization of the 'Big Four' bottoms in the City of London
* training of young people to do skilled jobs: particularly where this involves rummaging around in bottoms
* helping the 'old folk' to get their trousers off
* all trade union members to be provided with a secret postal bottom before a strike
* a long, thoughtful look at the European Bottom Mountain
* American cruise bottoms on British soil to be fitted with a 'dual-key' system

The National Gay Alliance Party - we're right behind you

---------------
Ha! See it's all about bottoms again. Ha! Oh the wit.

5.5 - Not The Nine O'Clock News

“Not The Nine O’Clock News” 23 October 1979 – Rowan Atkinson


Aha, found it on youtube.

The swivels from attempting to appear sympathetic and non-judgemental to failed attempts at contemporary slang, further embarrassment, swiftly escalating into weird aversion therapy, and finally landing with a thud into matter-of-fact grand condemnation. Not bad for a minute and a half. The laughs are more at the expense of the character Atkinson is playing, his verbal contortions, his hunched-up body and gesticulating hands, with the big final laugh for the outrageousness of the last line coming from such a placatory-seeming character.

There, I think that's analysed all the fun from it.

5 - Not The Nine O'Clock News

from "Not! The Nine O'Clock News" BBC Books, 1980

In the days before VCRs, popular comedy programmes often used to "preserve" their jokes and sketches in book format for an appreciative Christmas market. Most of the things I'm posting are from books bought in charity shops. As a consequence of which, I now have a very large collection of books with flyleafs featuring a 50p sales price and Christmas best wishes to some nephew from an aunt or uncle. My bookshelves are now the elephant's graveyard of not very imaginative gift-giving.

I'm fairly certain I can remember Rowan Atkinson performing this on TV as an embarrassed trendy vicar, who burbles apologetically and apparently sympathetically, then suddenly confounds expectations by spitting out the last two lines.