Sunday, 23 December 2007

35 - Gay Lib - Not! The General Election

from "Not! The General Election", edited by John Lloyd, Sphere Books, 1983


The National Gay Alliance Party stands for the principle that gay people are exactly the same as everyone else and should be treated as such, EXCEPT in the matters of:
- what we use our bottoms for
- what we use other people's bottoms for
- the fact that we prefer duller and more bottom-oriented television programmes
- the fact that we would prefer to see something a little different on Page Three of 'The Sun' - namely a bottom

What is it about a gay person that makes them different? Well, not much. The bottoms, of course. And a few other, tell -tale signs. We use soft loo paper. We like to drive black Porsche turbos. We prefer teaspoons to stir our coffee with, rather than the little white plastic twigs that so-called 'normal' people enjoy using. Otherwise, we're indistinguishable from anyone else: the same hopes and frustrations, the same needs and wants, the same willies and bottoms.

* the abolition of the House of Lords, and its replacement by a House of Bottoms
* an immediate reduction in the number of private bottoms in the NHS
* government grants for the refurbishment of decaying inner-city bottoms
* nationalization of the 'Big Four' bottoms in the City of London
* training of young people to do skilled jobs: particularly where this involves rummaging around in bottoms
* helping the 'old folk' to get their trousers off
* all trade union members to be provided with a secret postal bottom before a strike
* a long, thoughtful look at the European Bottom Mountain
* American cruise bottoms on British soil to be fitted with a 'dual-key' system

The National Gay Alliance Party - we're right behind you

Ha! See it's all about bottoms again. Ha! Oh the wit.

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